


On Windows to the Soul

by Paratale



Category: Pillars of Eternity
Genre: F/M, Gen, death godlike watcher - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:55:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 10,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24413206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paratale/pseuds/Paratale
Summary: Scribblings about the Watcher and her journey.
Relationships: Aloth Corfiser/The Watcher
Comments: 16
Kudos: 22





	1. The Black Hound Inn

**Author's Note:**

> Noon is a Death Godlike priestess of Berath who was a slave until about five years prior to the events of Pillars of Eternity. I had a lot of thoughts and feelings about her playthrough and I just kept writing them down until they turned into... whatever this is. Updated when I feel like it. Roughly in chronological order.

It was a dark and stormy night. A light rain was falling over Gilded Vale, and flashes of lightning in the distance promised that worse was yet to come.

The stranger wore a tattered cloak with an oversized hood pulled awkwardly over hidden features. At the time, Aloth figured there was some kind of hat underneath. The figure hovered, muddy and disheveled, just outside the cluster of villagers, head tilting from side to side as if looking for a way around them.

“And who are you?” One of the men demanded, having caught sight of the interloper.

“Excuse me,” came a quiet feminine voice from beneath the cloak. “I’m just trying to get inside.” The head shifted briefly in Aloth’s direction. “What are you doing to him?”

“It’s nothing,” said Aloth. “I was just leaving, in fact—“

The man growled and took a step toward him. “Not so fast you little—“

“Hold on.” The cloaked woman stepped between them. “There’s no need for threats. Wouldn’t we all rather be inside, drinking?”

Her voice was calm and placating, and Aloth almost believed she could soothe the villagers, but the Dyrwoodans proved themselves implacable once again. “No need?!” One of the women cried indignantly. “Did you hear what he said to us?”

“Sounds like you’re taking his side,” said the man. “Why don’t you take off your hood, eh? I wanna get a look at who I’m about to pummel.” When the hood stayed on, the man simply reached over and yanked it off.

Aloth registered the villagers all stumbling back in unison before he got a look at the woman under the cloak. A Godlike. From behind all he could see was long black hair and a pair of leathery protrusions cresting around where her ears ought to be like a helmet of Skuldrak wings.

“The priestess!” Gasped the man. “Pardon us, madam, pardon us... we were told you were coming but when the caravan never arrived...”

“It’s forgotten,” said the Godlike, sounding tired. “Please just leave us.”

The villagers obeyed without another word. As they left, the Godlike turned to Aloth. Both of her eyes were obscured by a mask-like carapace of mottled tissue, the texture shiny and scale-like where it covered her face and leathery where it crowned her head. Her pallid skin was the color of the edge of a bruise, but her nose and mouth were recognizably Kith. Aloth mustered all his hard-won self-control and did not flinch.

“Thank you,” he said. “They, ah, weren’t too happy with me. A simple misunderstanding. I’m still mastering the subtleties of the local dialect, you see.”

“You told that man to fuck his sister,” the Godlike pointed out. The crude words sounded bizarre coming from her mouth. Her accent was strange—there was some Aedyran in it, but a few of her vowels sounded almost Vailian.

Aloth swallowed, forcing a smile onto his face. He hoped it didn't look more like a grimace. “Like I said, a misunderstanding. Er, anyway, hello. I'm Aloth Corfiser. Let’s get out of the rain, if you don’t mind.”

“I’m called Noon,” said the woman, following him inside the Black Hound Inn. As they approached the hearth, he noticed that her long hair was blacker than pitch and reflected no light from the flames. 

She took up a deserted corner near the fire and peered at him as she warmed her gloved hands. Aloth could feel her gaze upon him even without being able to see her eyes. “You’re not from the Dyrwood.”

“Yes. I mean, no. I’m from the Cythwood, in Aedyr.”

“I’m not from the Dyrwood, either,” said Noon, and did not elaborate. “What brought you to Gilded Vale?”

“Seeking employment, same as most. I’m trained as a wizard, but as there is currently little need of me at home, I decided to seek a living elsewhere.” He wrinkled his nose at their surroundings. The floor of the inn was stained with mud, and the whole place smelled faintly of livestock. “Haven’t had much luck so far, though. And you?”

Noon grimaced. “I’m supposed to take up a posting at Raedric’s hold, but...”

“Don’t want to stay in such a charming place?”

“It’s not that.” Noon said, looking away. “But I will probably be leaving soon. It’s... not safe here, I think.”

In the light, Aloth could see her clothes were tattered and smeared with what could be mud, blood, or both. With the long dark cloak wrapped around her and the leathery carapace on her face, she had the look of a large, dirty bat. 

It was the look of someone whom most Kith would be inclined to give a wide berth. Just the sort of person Aloth needed to have around, then.

“If you’re to be leaving this place, would you mind company on the road? There’s safety in numbers, and I’d rather be going sooner than later.”

Noon stared blankly at him for several seconds, and Aloth was beginning to wonder if he’d overstepped when Noon said, “you’re asking to travel with me?”

“Well, only if you don’t mind, of course. As I said, I’m trained as a wizard, and you would be welcome to make use of my skills—”

“Yes,” said Noon. “Yes, I would like it if you traveled with me.”

“Oh. Good.” 

“I need to sleep,” said Noon, while Aloth was still processing his change in fortune. “I’ve been walking for twenty-two hours. I’m going to find a space in the stables. Will you still be at the inn tomorrow?”

“In the stables?” Aloth frowned. That was no place for anyone to stay the night, let alone someone who was in such desperate need of a bath.

“I have no coin for a room.”

 _Fye!_ Iselmyr whispered. _You’re not going tae let a lass kip in the stables, are ye? That dinnae seem tae gentlemanly..._

I’m not exactly rolling in it myself! I barely have enough coin for the next few days. 

_You can share the room! It’s big enough for two!_

I can’t ask a woman I just met if she wants to come back to my room—that would be—

_Look at her, you little fool. Propriety’s the last thing on her mind. Just dinnae be a creep about it._

Emerging from his inner battle, Aloth said, “I’ve a room for the next few days at least. You’re welcome to use it all you like, if you don’t mind sharing.” He coughed. “The room, that is. You can take the bed. I’ll... sleep on the rug.”

“You would share your room with me?” It was hard to read Noon’s face, but her posture had straightened. “Could I use the bath?”

“Of course.”

“Bless you, Aloth Corfiser,” said Noon, and for the first time since they’d met, she smiled.


	2. Magran's Fork

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Noon has made a friend or two, plus Durance.

Noon was a priest of Berath, and nothing if not devout. She carried with her very few possessions, save the essentials—a grappling hook, a few lock picks, provisions, her arcane rod—but she always had a muddy and tattered collection of Berathian scripture on hand, slotted into her belt like a grimoire. The pages were mottled and stained to the extent that some were illegible. 

“Here’s a tip,” Durance grunted at Aloth one morning, while Noon was engrossed. She was sitting on the edge of a nearby creek with her nose buried in her book while her bare feet dangled in the water. The rest of her was wrapped in a cloak, as usual. Even if she had been within earshot, she probably would have been too focused on her reading to notice Durance. “You see a priest reading that much, that’s how you know their god don’t speak to ‘em.”

Aloth frowned. “Does Magran speak to you often, then?”

“Not with  _ books _ ,” Durance grunted, as if the very idea were ridiculous. “She speaks in forest fires. In bloody victories, and the twinge of old scars.”

“Well, perhaps Berath communicates through the written word,” Aloth sniffed, and tried to get back to his grimoire.

Durance chuckled. “No. Those words were put to paper by kith hands. Whatever influence Berath might have had on their meaning is corrupted. Kith cannot hope to bottle the intentions of a god with mundane ink.”

“You seem to have a low opinion of Noon’s faith for someone following her around,” Edér pointed out. He was leaning against a tree and eating candied nuts.

Durance shrugged. “I’ve no interest in her faith. Only in her eventual fate.”

“Prick,” Edér muttered after Durance had left to relieve himself. Aloth allowed himself a small smile of agreement.

Noon wandered back over to their camp after another few minutes of study. The leathery part of her carapace was ever so slightly translucent in the morning sun. “We should get going soon if we want to make it to Anslog’s compass before nightfall.”

“Waste of time,” Durance grunted, having completed his morning ablutions. “There’s no potion that can prevent a Hollow birth. If there were, this Ranga would be the richest woman in the Dyrwood.” 

“I told Calisca I’d help her sister. This is the least I can do.” Noon crossed her arms. “Come along or don’t.”

Grumbling, Durance began packing up his bedroll. 

Aloth would admit to being a bit disappointed they were going to be passing through Gilded Vale again on an errand. He had hoped to get as far away from that place as he could, as soon as possible. But it was reassuring, at least, that he had attached himself to someone kind enough to go a day out of her way to fetch a likely useless potion for a stranger. 

Perhaps she’d also be kind enough to help him reunite with the Leaden Key.


	3. The Goose & Fox

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aloth opens up about Iselmyr. Edér gets drunk.

“Tell me more about Iselmyr,” Noon said, a few days after her nearly disastrous emergence in the temple of Woedica. 

They had faced many wild animals and some rather disgusting fungi together so far, but Noon’s little stunt at the temple had been far more harrowing than any of those encounters. Noon had convinced an acolyte to lend her his mask while Iselmyr rioted inside Aloth.

_She’ll get herself killed!_ Iselmyr pressed hard on Aloth’s self-control, and he had to grit his teeth against the lancing pains that shot through his skull. _Dinnae let her go through with this!_

Aloth had managed to hold Iselmyr back until the moment Noon reached for the large door, Woedican hood barely fitting over her head. Then Iselmyr had clawed her way out.

Noon had been concerned, wanting to know if he was alright, if he knew something about this temple. He’d denied vigorously that there was any problem and Noon had gone ahead into the chamber.

_See_ , he told Iselmyr later, _she was just fine_.

_You wanted tae warn her whit she was getting intae as much as I,_ Iselmyr accused. _You’re just tae much a coward tae tell her the whole truth about ye._

Iselmyr had vanished then, but a sense of shame had lingered.

Now they were safe in their room at the Goose & Fox. Edér and Sagani were drinking downstairs, and Durance was… Gods only knew where. Not here, thankfully.

Aloth had to admit, he hadn’t expected Noon to be a good listener. She seemed so otherworldly, it was hard to imagine she was really living on the same Eora as everyone else--that she would have any interest in his mundane worries. But he found it easy to tell her the story of how he had Awakened, even though she was the first person he had spoken of it to since Mother. Maybe it was a priest thing.

Then again, he had never found Durance this easy to talk to.

“She sounds… protective,” said Noon, when the story was done. “Reckless, too. But it seems like she wants to protect you.”

Aloth scoffed. “That would be easier to believe if she didn’t do everything possible to provoke bystanders into attacking me.”

“Only because she thinks she can take anyone on.” Noon shrugged. “I did say she was also reckless. She’s trying to help you, but she doesn’t _understand_ you, and that’s why you two don’t get on.” She chewed thoughtfully on her lower lip. “Perhaps you and her don’t have to be at odds.”

“If we haven’t come to an understanding after all these years, I don’t see how we ever will.”

“You’d be surprised how much a person can change after decades of staying the same,” Noon said cryptically. 

Edér chose that moment to throw open the door. “Hey guys! Oh--” he looked between them. “I’m not interruptin’ anything, am I?”

“No, but it’s polite to knock,” Aloth chided, folding his arms.

“Did you need something?” Noon asked.

“Nah, I’m good. ‘Cept for Sagani being about to drink me under the table. Just wonderin’ if you two wanted to join us.”

Aloth looked at Noon uncertainly. She said, “I’ll come down, but I don’t indulge.”

“Neither do I,” said Aloth, edging a bit closer to Noon. Iselmyr and alcohol were a… volatile combination.

Edér waved dismissively. “That’s alright. Gods know I’ve had enough for all of us. C’mon, you gotta hear Sagani’s story about the time she almost got run over by a moose…”


	4. Woodend Plains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aloth is, as a Pallegina would say, nasenale. Noon catches feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: someone pukes in the latter half of this chapter. Also, there is non-graphic discussion of slavery.

He wasn’t trying to eavesdrop. Truly. It was just a quiet morning, and Pallegina’s voice carried. 

“It was for the best,” Pallegina was saying. “He wanted rid of me, and I of him.”

Noon’s reply was too soft to make out, but it must have been amusing, because Pallegina snorted a short laugh. 

“And your father, Noon? Was he cut from the same cloth as mine?”

“I never knew him. My parents sold me to slavers as a child. Guess that makes them more practical than most.”

“Ac,” said Pallegina. They walked in silence for a few moments. Aloth knew he should fall back and leave them to their private conversation, but he was  _ curious _ . There were so few Godlike back home, and now he was traveling with not one but two. He had long wanted to ask Noon and Pallegina about their kind, but tact had held him back, so he’d left the prying questions to Kana.

Pallegina spoke again. “I’ll say this for my father. At least he let me live under his roof until I was old enough to make my own choice.”

Noon shrugged, a roll of her shoulders beneath her dark cloak, these days quite free of mud. “I was lucky. I know many parents would have given me to the nearest river. I was an obedient child and rarely gave my masters cause to discipline me.”

“There will always be those who have it worse. It does not mean your treatment was just.”

“I’m not sure anyone’s is, from what I’ve seen of the world.”

“Indeed.”

Aloth was studying the pair of them, walking some feet ahead of him while Kana and Sagani took up the rear, when Noon abruptly looked over her shoulder. Eye contact was impossible, but he was quite sure she’d noticed him staring, and he blushed at being caught.

* * *

They had venison for dinner that night, courtesy of Sagani and Itumaak. Sagani ate her haunch raw, but permitted the party to roast the rest of her kill, in deference to their “weak stomachs.”

The others were talking and laughing over the meal, but Noon chewed her own portion quietly. Pallegina had gotten her talking about things she hadn’t thought hard about in a long time. 

It had been less than a decade since Noon had last served a kith master, but often it felt like those years had been another lifetime altogether. Noon liked to imagine that  _ her _ life had started the day she’d arrived at the temple in Nelprim and received her very own copy of Berathian scripture to study. Her former self, the slave who kept her head down and her expectations low—she was a prior turn of the Wheel. Berath had seen fit to renew her before her time, and for that, Noon would always be grateful. 

Leaving Nelprim, however, had forced her to acknowledge her old self again, if only in that she occasionally needed to rely on her skill at identifying herbs, or her talent for appeasing authority figures. 

She’d noticed Aloth staring at her and Pallegina as they walked. Him knowing about her past didn’t particularly bother Noon—actually, it might save her the trouble of recounting it a second time—but the looking made her self-conscious. Noon did not enjoy being looked at, by anyone. 

She wasn’t ashamed, she reminded herself. Not anymore—she’d left shame in her previous life. She just didn’t like the sensation of eyes on her, like insects crawling up the back of her neck. 

It was worse when the person doing the looking was so…

Noon banished the thought. Aloth was a good friend with useful talents. It would only complicate their already arduous task to start getting… notions… about him, or for that matter anyone else. 

After dinner, Noon set up her bedroll some ways away from everyone else. Ever since her encounter in Cilant Lis, her sleep had been troubled. It had started with nightmares that jolted her awake in the middle of the night with a racing heart, the details of which she could never quite recall. Lately, though, she was starting to remember bits and pieces, and they lingered in her waking hours like spirits trailing after her… visions of a massive wheel, malevolent and menacing, a dark cousin to the Wheel of life and death that her god turned with a gentle hand… a distant scream that drew closer every night…

She couldn’t move, and the screaming was getting louder. Panic rose like bile in her throat. It was coming for her, and there was nowhere to run--

“Noon!” She could just make out a voice behind the screaming. She focused on the voice, trying to filter out everything else, and realized she was dreaming. 

The realization, however, did little to calm her insides. She managed to roll over before emptying her stomach onto the forest floor.

Once she had divested herself of Sagani’s poor deer, she became aware of hands brushing her neck, holding her hair back while she heaved. A hot prickle of embarrassment crept over her, and she wiped her mouth clean before turning to face whoever she had to thank for her hair being vomit-free. 

Aloth was crouched next to her, concern in his blue eyes. When she turned to him, he removed his hands from her hair. “Are you alright? I couldn’t seem to wake you.”

“I’ll be fine,” Noon croaked. “Thank you. It was just the dreams again.” She looked around to see if anyone else was roused by the disturbance. Durance, Kana, and Edér slept like the dead, while Pallegina was on the other side of the camp with Sagani. Only Itumaak was awake, and he seemed disinterested in her infirmity.

“Are they getting worse?” Aloth clasped his hands together, but they still shifted as he fidgeted. 

No point in lying about her condition. “They’re more vivid, and they follow me when I wake.” Even now her ears were still ringing with the screams. 

“Lady Webb seemed to know what she was talking about.” It was sweet how Aloth tried to be reassuring, even when he himself was clearly uncertain of… just about everything. “Surely she can help us find  _ something _ that will put your dreams to rest. You just have to hang on until then.” 

“I’ll try.” Noon paused, then did her best to meet Aloth’s eyes. “You don’t have to stay on with us, you know. You could go back to Defiance Bay and find work there. This isn’t your burden to shoulder.”

Aloth’s brow furrowed. “Maybe so, but I’d rather stick with you—as long as you don’t mind...” 

“No, I’m glad to have you, of course, I just—“ Noon eased herself back onto her bedroll and drew her knees up to her chest. “I don’t know where this is headed, and I don’t want to drag anyone down with me. The others have their own reasons for following me around, but you’re… you could go anywhere.”

Aloth smiled faintly, with just a hint of sly humor. It looked nice on him. “Would you believe it if I said I simply enjoy your company?” 

He was blushing—enough that she could tell even in the dim light. Gods preserve her. Noon sent a silent prayer to Berath before returning his smile.

“I enjoy yours, too.”


	5. Endless Paths of Od Nua Level 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang camps out in a dungeon. Kana asks the real questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just some silly banter, really

“Lady Noon, if you would indulge my scholarly curiosity, I have a rather personal question,” Kana announced. 

Noon looked up from cleaning Xaurip gore off of her blade. “Oh?”

Aloth winced in anticipation. He liked Kana, but the man’s “scholarly curiosity” led him to ask most intrusive questions.

“I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting any other kith with Berath’s touch,” Kana was saying. “I am very curious--how is it that you can see? Or,  _ can _ you see?”

“I’d be lyin’ if I said I never wondered the same thing,” Eder piped up in between mouthfuls of jerky. When it had become clear that exploring the dungeon under Caed Nua was going to be more than a day trip, they’d returned to the surface and packed substantial rations for their next excursion. 

Aloth pinched the bridge of his nose. Noon, though, didn’t seem to take offense. “I can’t explain it, but my vision is normal. I can open and close my eyes, and I need to blink like everyone else.”

“Your face is like a one-way mirror,” Kana mused. “Fascinating.”

“What happens if your eyes water?” Eder asked.

Noon tapped the tissue that overgrew the upper half of her face. “It’s porous. My eyes don’t actually water much, but when they do, it just leaks out.”

Aloth buried his face in his grimoire and tried to look like he wasn’t equally fascinated by Noon’s strange biology. Really, did they not teach discretion in Rauatai?

“Don’t you ever get eye crusties?” Edér asked.

Noon frowned. “Eye crusties?”

“You know… eye sand. Eye boogers. Like when you wake up in the morning?”

“Ah… I suppose not?” Noon peered at Edér. “Your eyes make… boogers?”

“I believe the word he’s looking for is rheum,” Aloth couldn’t help adding.

“Yeah, that.”

Noon shook her head. “I can’t say I have any experience with rheum.”

Edér sighed sadly. “You’re missing out. Nothing more satisfying than rubbing the grit out of your eyes in the mornings.”

Aloth looked at him incredulously.


	6. Durgan's Battery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noon meets another follower of Berath. They don't get along.

“Your faith is unbalanced,” Noon told Meztla. “Berath is not only the god of death. They are the god of  _ rebirth _ .” She gestured with both arms, uncharacteristically agitated. “For what purpose do you send souls to the Wheel? All souls reach Berath in due time. All you do is hasten the cycle, to no end!”

“It seems I know something about our god you don’t, little Deathhead,” sneered Meztla from beneath her helm. “Berath is  _ empowered _ by the turning of the wheel. Think of it as a mill, the pushing through of souls turning the spokes and grinding the grain into flour. The faster the wheel, the stronger our god becomes.” 

“That’s heresy!” Noon fingers twitched, sparking with divine energy. “Berath is the shepherd, not the wolf!”

Meztla shrugged. “Does the shepherd not take from his sheep, in due time? But I tire of debating philosophy with delusional clergymen.” She drew her sword. “My god has marked you out as a particularly  _ potent _ soul. The priesthood would have you protected and venerated. But I see you for what you are: a loan from my god, best soon repaid… with interest.” With that, she and her comrades converged on the party.

It was a difficult fight. Meztla fought with a zeal equal to Pallegina, and Noon was not her usual careful, tactical self. She lashed out at her enemy with quick but haphazard blows, and her aggression seemed to corrode the power of her protective wards; as if it was eating tiny holes in them. 

Meztla did finally fall, but they were all rather worse for wear. Aloth’s winter coat was full of tears, and Pallegina was down a few feathers. Noon stood over Meztla’s body, breathing heavily.

“You alright there?” Edér clapped a hand on her shoulder, and she started slightly.

“I am now,” she said, and wiped a smear of blood from her carapace. “Meztla’s heresy ends here. I never heard such blasphemy…” she took a deep breath. “But that’s what the Wheel is for. She’ll have another chance, in her next life.” The thought seemed to calm her. “Come on. We should rest before we try to go any farther.”

* * *

They set up camp between two large rocks, in an effort to stay out of the wind. It was still one of their more unpleasant overnight trips. Aloth conjured a meager flame, and they huddled around it as the sky grew dark. Kana, chipper as ever, started in on some Rauataian shanty about a navy vessel successfully navigating a series of icebergs. Edér was the only one of their party to attempt to join in. Hiravias looked entranced, chin resting on his hand as he tilted his good ear in the direction of Kana’s song. 

Aloth focused on trying to patch some of the larger tears in his coat by applying transmutation spells. The result looked a great deal worse than if he had simply sewn them up by mundane means, but it kept the wind out. He was so busy concentrating on the spellwork that he only noticed the pressure on his shoulder once he had finished.

Noon was leaning against him, knees tucked up to her chest and head resting on her arms. Her breathing was slow and even, and he guessed she had fallen asleep. She must have been exhausted to have managed it in spite of the din of Kana’s singing. He hadn’t actually seen her sleep in days, he realized. Was it the dreams?

Regardless, she was sleeping quite soundly now. Aloth took comfort in his personal space, and would have been irritated if it were anyone else; but Noon’s presence never felt intrusive, and her body heat was welcome in the cold night air. 

Aloth draped his bedroll over the two of them and sat back against the hard rock. He’d be stiff when he woke up, but it was worth not risking waking Noon when she had finally achieved sleep.


	7. The Library of Caed Nua

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noon tries her hand at couple's counseling for Awakened souls.

“I may have a way to help you with Iselmyr.”

Fifty years Aloth had been waiting to hear those words. He’d once thought they’d come from the mouth of a powerful wizard, or an accomplished herbalist; or even, perhaps, an animancer. But this was Noon, and whatever she had in mind was probably cleverer than anything the old professors could have thought up at the academy. 

Also, probably a great deal safer. 

Noon had come prepared with bottles of ink and rolls of parchment. Aloth dubiously accepted when she pushed them into his hands. 

“Is all this for some sort of ritual?” he asked.

“Oh, no!” Noon shook her head. “I just thought it would help to write some things down. I was doing some reading in the library, about compacts Kith used to make with spirits and dragons and such, and it gave me an idea—what if you and Iselmyr drew up a sort of compact? A set of rules both of you could agree on.”

Aloth’s heart sunk a bit at that. He sighed and set the parchment down on the table. It was kind of Noon to put so much thought into his problem, but there was no way her plan would work. “Iselmyr and rules don’t mix, I’m afraid. Trust me, I’ve tried to set plenty of boundaries over the years. Nothing sticks.”

“This time could be different,” Noon insisted. “I'll be here to mediate. The compact will be written up and agreed upon by both of you.”

Aloth eyed Noon warily. “I don’t trust her to agree to anything that doesn’t make life more difficult for me.”

Noon's expression softened. Aloth was getting better at reading her face, obscured as it was. The chitinous plating wasn't entirely motionless; it shifted almost imperceptibly whenever her face moved. "We don't have to do this now, Aloth,” she said. “Or ever, if you don't want to. It's entirely up to you."

Aloth hesitated, then sighed. Noon was a strong-willed individual, and an honest friend. Her plan probably wouldn't work, but neither would she allow Iselmyr to dominate their conversation. "No, we'd better do it now. I don't want to lose my nerve."

“Great!” Noon beamed, bouncing slightly on her heels. “Let’s sit down, shall we?”

They sat at a small round table in the recently renovated Library of Caed Nua, tucked in a cozy corner and flanked by a pair of bookshelves. The shelves were a little bare right now, but slowly filling up as the Keep acquired new texts. Noon neatly arranged the parchment and ink on the table. 

“I think the beginning will be the unpleasant part,” she said apologetically. “We need to draw out Iselmyr so we can speak to her.”

That was simple enough, actually; though intentionally calling on his past self still filled Aloth with a sense of dread, like reaching a hand into false flames and trusting they wouldn't burn. He reminded himself that he wasn’t at the academy anymore, trying to survive dormitory life with a loudmouthed Awakened soul. Whatever Iselmyr might say or do, Noon wouldn’t judge Aloth for it.

“Well, the lad’s had a bit more practice bringing me out of late.” Iselmyr smirked, settling into Aloth's bones and bringing with her a sensation not unlike swallowing scalding hot tea. “The more bashin’ we do, the more I come out.”

“You’re a fighter, then,” said Noon. Aloth tried to relax. Every instinct screamed that he needed to get Iselmyr under control before… before something bad happened. He wasn't sure what it would be yet; but wherever Iselmyr went, destruction surely followed.

“Aye,” Iselmyr replied. “I was the best there was, in my time. Still the best, if ye ask me.” 

“Have you been helping us when we fight, then?”

Iselmyr shrugged noncommittally. It was a strange gesture on Aloth. “I’ve got tae keep the lad on his feet.”

"That's kind of you," said Noon. She'd clasped her hands on the table in front of her and was leaning forward with interest. 

"I'm glad ye think so, lass." Iselmyr rested her cheek on one fist. She was shamelessly raking her eyes over Noon's form, as if to make up for every time Aloth had politely averted his own gaze, and the audacity of it was making Aloth blush. "It's thankless work, most days."

_I never asked for your help!_ Iselmyr was always so condescending, so infuriatingly smug. Iselmyr narrowed her eyes slightly at Noon. "But that's nae whit we're here tae talk about, is it?"

"Indeed," said Noon. "It seems you and Aloth don't always see eye to eye. I was hoping I could help with that."

Iselmyr sighed dramatically and slouched in the chair. "Nae seeing eye tae eye is about the one thing we do see eye tae eye on."

"Why?"

Iselmyr frowned. There was a bit of Aloth in her confusion. "Pardon?"

"What's stopping you from coming to an understanding?" Noon pressed on. "I want to help."

Iselmyr barked a laugh. A small frown broke through the implacable barrier of Noon's Helping People face. "Ye're sweet, lass, an’ I do like ye. But I dinnae need any help." 

"I respectfully disagree," Noon said, lifting her chin. "Aloth isn't happy with--"

Iselmyr threw up her hands. "When is he ever?"

Noon ignored the outburst. "He has expressed concerns about--"

Iselmyr abruptly stood up from the table. The chair fell backwards and clattered on the floor. Noon rose to her feet and stared Iselmyr down across the table. They were almost the same height.

Aloth stopped bothering to relax. He tried to sit back down, but Iselmyr's influence was too strong. He was along for the ride now.

"Dinnae take this the wrong way," Iselmyr was saying, voice low, "but I've known him longer than you. _Much_ longer."

"I understand," said Noon coolly. "You feel I'm intruding on a private matter. But I'm a friend. You can trust me. Both of you."

"Priests," Iselmyr snorted. "Always think ye can fix everything." She stalked out from around the table to stand face to face with Noon. "Trust. That's a funny word. The lad's nae whit you think. He keeps secrets--tells lies, even."

_No, no, no--_

"We all have secrets."

Iselmyr shook her head. "Nae lik’ his. An’ he has the gall tae paint _me_ as the villain in his story, when I'm the only reason he’s alive tae tell it! Well, good job he's stuck with me." She laughed; a quick, crackling sound. "Ye'll wash yer hands o' him once ye’ve connt whit a small an' sorry little man he truly is. But I'll still be here." Her expression turned sober. "'Tis a thankless task, tae be certain. But I'll be here."

This was the worst possible scenario, worse than anything Aloth could have imagined. He'd never thought Iselmyr would be cruel enough to tell Noon why he was here--about the Leaden Key. And all the while he'd be locked away, unable to say a word in his own defense as Noon learned the truth. An image flickered in his mind of the look of betrayal on her face. The way it would shift, almost imperceptibly, and her proud posture would slump--

He glanced down at his hands. Not his hands, at the moment. 

_Her_ hands. 

A freezing chill ran down his--her--

“Oh, fye--" Iselmyr grimaced, clenching a hand that had started to tremble. “He’s having one of his—stop! _Stop it!_ ” she cried out.

Noon took both of Aloth’s hands in hers, just as she had back in the Sanitarium; pulling them away when they went to tug at his hair. “Hush, Iselmyr,” she said quietly. “He’s scared. And when he’s scared, you’re scared.”

Iselmyr tried to pull back, but Noon held fast. “He has no cause tae be afrigt when I’m right here!” 

Noon pulled the hands to her chest, as if cradling them to her heart. “Are you sure?”

Iselmyr snorted. “Fifty-odd years in this blighted noggin an’ I still nae conne whit makes the lad tick.” She growled. “He’s nae but a coward, is whit I think.”

Noon’s mouth flattened into a hard line. “Iselmyr, he’s afraid because of you, not in spite of you.”

Iselmyr reeled back as if she had been slapped. 

“Death isn’t all he has to fear,” said Noon softly. Iselmyr’s grip could crack bones, but if Noon’s hands were hurting, she didn’t give it away. “You take control of his body, threaten to expose his secrets. Of course he fears you. Of course he runs even further from you.”

Someone made an awful sound, and they doubled over. Aloth wasn’t sure if it was him or Iselmyr. Perhaps it was both. Tears began to drip upon the tabletop, wrinkling the parchment. 

“I understand,” Noon continued. “You’re scared, so you lash out. So is he, except he wants to retreat. It’s fight or flight.”

Rhythmic pulses emanated from Noon; a heartbeat somewhere below sound that seemed to crash over one’s soul like a wave. It was an odd sensation, but soothing. Aloth and Iselmyr had been out of step, clashing discordantly and painfully against one another; but Noon’s soul was providing a metronome, a steady pulse to follow. The Aloth-Iselmyr soul unknotted itself a little. _Noon must be getting better at this… She’s getting better at it all the time._

“The two of you are the same,” Noon whispered. “I can see it… You appear separate at first glance, but when I focus just right, you become one… like two trees growing from the same root. You punish each other because it’s the simplest way to punish yourselves.”

“So whit should we do?” Iselmyr lifted her gaze to stare wetly at Noon. In that moment, she looked as confused and uncertain as Aloth often did.

“That’s up to you,” said Noon. “But you can’t keep going the way you are.”

Iselmyr nodded slowly, then vanished, like a flame extinguished by a sudden breeze. Aloth gasped as he found himself seemingly alone with Noon once more.

Noon let go of his hands, a healing spell sparking at her fingertips. “Are you alright?”

“I am.” He waved away the spell and sat down heavily in Noon’s chair. His own was still up-ended on the floor. “Thank you, but I don’t think that will help.”

“How do you feel?” Noon had seemed so calm and confident when she was talking Iselmyr down, but now she hovered nervously, looking self-conscious and uncertain. 

“I’m… exhausted, but…” Aloth paused. “It’s not a bad feeling. Iselmyr is gone for the moment, but I don’t doubt she’ll be back.” He blushed. “I apologize for the scene she—we—made. I suppose I should explain--”

Noon shook her head vigorously, kneeling down next to the chair. “There’s nothing to apologize for. If anything, I should be the one apologizing. I pushed too hard and things got out of hand. Did it… did it help at all, though? I know we didn’t actually get to write anything down…”

“It did help. I think maybe… Maybe I’ve been assuming the worst of her. We’ve been assuming the worst of each other.” He sighed, rubbing his temples. “She’s reckless, I’m cautious. She values confidence, I value humility. But in truth we are each a little of both, and that just makes us resent one another even more.”

“So you feel like you understand one another a little more, at least?”

“Yes. Yes, we do.” The conversation had exhausted him, but he already had a couple of ideas about how he might deal with Iselmyr the next time she got riled up; an inkling of how she might respond, ways she might be satisfied. She was more of a known quantity now, where before she’d been terrifying in her unpredictability; her motives as mysterious as the weather. “The funny thing is, I used to count it as a blessing that I didn’t have any of Iselmyr’s memories. But it might be easier if I did. Without them, it’s hard to see her as anything but an invader.”

“On the other hand, recalling events of one’s past lives seems to drive one mad,” Noon remarked with a half smile. “So perhaps that’s for the best after all.”

That was a concerning remark. “How much do you remember about your previous life?”

“A lot of disconnected sights and sounds, and very little to hold them together.” Noon busied herself with picking up the chair and setting it back into place, avoiding Aloth’s gaze. “But that’s changing. And my dreams don’t stop when I wake anymore. I see… things… at the edges of my vision.” Then before Aloth could ask her anything more she said, “but I’m still sane. Just not getting much sleep.”

Looking back, Aloth would identify this as the moment his priorities shifted from getting back in touch with the Leaden Key to helping a fellow Awakened soul achieve some measure of peace. In the moment itself, he felt only a surge of affection for his friend, and it startled him a little. 

_Ye need tae tell her some day_ , Iselmyr whispered quietly from the back of his mind. She sounded as tired as he did. _Ye need tae tell her some day soon_.

_I will_ , he thought. _I will. Just not today_.

With a sigh, Iselmyr sunk back into her depths.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I procrastinated forever on posting this one because I wasn't satisfied with it. I wanted to do something interesting with the Iselmyr conversations, but I'm not sure I stuck the landing here
> 
> it's terrible form to explain one's authorial intent in a footnote, but the way I like to think of Iselmyr (it's not necessarily supported by canon, it just personally makes sense to me in concept) is that she and Aloth are actually the same fundamental personality, and this is ironically the reason they don't get along. the ways they interpret and respond to their own emotions are opposed--Aloth deals with his fears of confrontation by avoiding it and Iselmyr deals with it by bashing heads--but the emotions themselves are the same.
> 
> I guess I will come back and change it if I have a brainwave but I figured I better just post it so I can keep this thing moving along lol ! more to come


	8. Defiance Bay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aloth comes clean.

For the first time in a long time, Noon looked scared. Vulnerable. She kept stumbling as Edér pulled her along, her usual grace absent.

In the wake of the disastrous animancy hearings, Defiance Bay burned, and all of Noon's soothing assurances and gentle appeals for nuance and compassion had gone up in the smoke. Blood and viscera turned the cobblestones alternately slick and sticky. Hadret House was dark and silent. Given their well-known affiliation with the Crucible Knights, Aloth was sure they’d be attacked by a rival faction before they could reach the gate, but by some miracle they were able to join a handful of refugees at the bridge un-assailed. They made their way out in a claustrophobic crush of bodies, and emerged gasping in the cool night air. 

Noon put a bloody hand on the nearest tree and leaned against it, catching her breath, while Pallegina stalked in a slow circle, keeping a look-out in case the chaos had followed them. Aloth just focused on trying not to throw up.

“So what now?” Edér asked, after a vigorous round of coughing the soot from his lungs. He sounded disappointed, but not surprised. 

“Twin Elms. I saw it in Lady Webb’s soul.” Noon chewed on her lip a moment before continuing. “That’s where I’ll find Thaos.”

They started east without pausing to rest. Aloth tried to wait, to hold back until it was more likely that Noon would be in a forgiving mood; but every second felt like a multiplication of his betrayal. Finally, he pulled up alongside her.

“Please, I need to tell you something.”

Noon was immediately attentive, motioning the party to stop and frowning in concern. Gods, Aloth felt terrible. He swallowed and went on. “I haven’t been entirely forthcoming about my motivations for following you.”

Aloth had never wished harder that he could see Noon’s eyes as he told her the whole sorry tale. Awaiting her judgment, he tried to ignore the murmuring of their companions.

“What did you really want with me, back in Gilded Vale?” Noon shifted a small step back, and the way she tensed as if she were readying herself for a physical blow turned Aloth's stomach; but her face betrayed little of her thoughts, as usual. 

“Only direction,” Aloth insisted. “I needed to get out of town, and I thought perhaps you could help me get back on their trail. I’m still not sure about animancy, but I know I’ve been following the wrong master. Please, accept my apology… and my service. Let me fight with you to stop Thaos.”

Aloth didn’t realize how badly he’d been fidgeting until Noon seized one of his hands and clasped it between both of her own. Her grip was firm, but gentle. She said, “I forgive you, Aloth. But I want you beside me, not behind me. I don’t want to become your new master.” 

“I… I think I can do that.” He still felt the shame, but the anxiety was fading.

Noon smiled at him, the tension evaporating. She squeezed his hand once, then let it go. “Then from now on, your time with the Leaden Key may as well have been a past life. I won’t hold it against you.”

* * *

It took the others a little while to come back around to Aloth after he confessed to being involved with the Leaden Key. Edér seemed to regard him as he would a beloved family cat who had ruined the furniture. Pallegina was overtly hostile. Sagani embodied the phrase "I'm not mad, just disappointed." Even Kana wasn't sure how to speak to him now that their "friendly debates" about animancy had been revealed to be a much more serious matter. But Noon never seemed to doubt the sincerity of his apology, nor his desire to redeem himself. 

In the past, he’d occasionally questioned her judgment when it came to showing mercy to those who had wronged her; she had too much blind faith in people’s ability to turn their lives around, he’d thought. Now, though, it seemed that her inclination towards second chances was serving him well. He just hoped he deserved it.

Noon sat down next to him one night while the rest of their compatriots were still steering clear of him. He was curled up against a tree several feet from the campfire, reorganizing his grimoire and pretending that Pallegina’s disapproving looks didn’t sting.

“How are you holding up?” Noon asked.

Aloth tried to shrug off his lingering shame. “I’m fine. I’ll be better when Thaos is stopped.”

“As will I,” said Noon. She sighed. “So I hope.” 

Noon rarely slept through the night these days. More than once Aloth had awoken to hear her tossing and turning, after which she would usually get up and walk to the edge of camp to keep watch rather than attempt to go back to sleep.

“If you don’t mind my asking--what do you dream about?” he put down his grimoire and looked at Noon. She seemed to grow paler the longer her trial went on; her cheekbones were sharper than they used to be, and Aloth could swear her… horns? Face-wings?... drooped slightly.

“I dream that I’m someone else,” said Noon. “A woman very similar to who I am now. But she’s… sour… like an unripened fruit. She serves the gods, as I do, but—” Noon shuddered visibly. “Her beliefs are… like thorns. Weapons. Does that make any sense?”

“Sort of?” Aloth squinted at her. Noon chewed her lip.

“I’m not sure how to explain it without metaphors. I don’t remember what she believed, exactly. I just know that she condemned many to suffer in service to her gods.”

“If she was a past incarnation of you, perhaps she was simply... less mature than you are now.” 

_I resent that!_ Aloth ignored Iselmyr.

Noon shook her head. “It’s not about maturity. There’s something deeper. Darker. I dream that I’m getting closer to the answer, but it’s like trying to fill a bath using only a sieve. It drains my energy and I accomplish nothing.”

“But confronting Thaos will help, surely?”

“It has to,” said Noon grimly. “But if it doesn’t...” She fixed Aloth with a look. He could feel its chill even without seeing her eyes. “If I lose myself like Maerwald, can I count on you to send me back to the Wheel?”

Aloth’s mouth fell open. “You’re asking me to kill you?!”

“Only if I go mad.” As if that made it better. “Please. I don’t fear death. Especially not if it will release my soul from... whatever this torment is.”

“That is a most extreme solution to your problem,” Aloth insisted, “and I will consider it as a last resort only.”

“If I… If it comes to that, remember that it isn’t me.” Noon was still fixing him with her intense stare. “She could be… _can_ be... very cruel. If she were to ever hurt you, I am sure I would lose whatever mind I still have.”

At least it was too dark for Aloth’s blush to be visible. Iselmyr took advantage of his fluster to butt in. “I promise all nae let yer spooky half harm the lad.”

“Thank you, Iselmyr.” Noon smiled. Aloth scowled at the ground. Noon’s smile faded. “Do the two of you still argue?”

“Sometimes. But she understands the seriousness of our circumstances. She won’t jeopardize our mission—or our survival—by acting up.”

“Well, that’s good.” Noon considered Aloth. “But something still troubles you, I think.”

“My friend did just order me to kill her if she goes mad,” said Aloth dryly.

“You think of me as a friend?” Noon asked quietly.

“Of course…” now Aloth was growing nervous. “Er… do you…?”

“Yes!” said Noon, looking away. “I mean, yes. I’m glad we’re friends.”

“But are you friends with me, or Iselmyr?” Aloth muttered.

“What do you mean?” Noon turned back to him, frowning.

“It’s nothing. I’m being childish.” When Noon cocked her head expectantly, he sighed and went on. “Iselmyr usually provokes people, but sometimes they find her charming in a way that I am… not.” He gestured vaguely towards the camp. “Most of them find Iselmyr more interesting, even if she annoys them at times.”

“Edér likes you,” said Noon.

Aloth shook his head. “He likes Iselmyr.”

“ _And_ you,” Noon insisted. “Pallegina likes you. And Kana. Sagani, as well. So does Hiravias, though he has a... strange way of expressing his regard. And if they seem mad at you know, they'll get over it.”

“When she hasn’t told them to do obscene things with their sisters, most adventuring sorts prefer Iselmyr,” Aloth said, rather bitterly. “I’ve been told I’m a bit of a killjoy.”

“Well, I like Iselmyr,” said Noon, “but--no offense to her--I like you a bit more.”

Aloth flushed. Iselmyr did not take offense, and began to radiate satisfaction.


	9. Lair of the Eyeless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noon's lack of regard for her own life is going to give Aloth an ulcer.

“Noon, you don’t have to do this,” said Edér.

“Don’t I?” Noon hefted the enormous hammer over her shoulder. She looked more exhausted every day. “My soul is doomed, and I serve the god of death.” She shook her head, staring at the wall that would become her tomb. “No, I won’t consign anyone else to this fate.”

“I feel like we should at least draw lots, or something,” Sagani spoke up. “Just seems unfair otherwise.” Her words were practical as ever, but her eyes were sad.

“But--Thaos! The Leaden Key!” Aloth blurted out. Noon turned toward him. “Who will stop them if you’re--?” he couldn’t say it.

Noon smiled. “You can manage it without me. You’re very capable, Aloth. I know you will pick up where I left off.”

Aloth just stared at her, aghast. The situation had changed so rapidly he couldn’t even begin to process it. Even Iselmyr was silent.

In the distance, thunderous booms indicated that the Eyeless were still walking around Cayron’s scar. “There’s no time,” Noon muttered. Then she took Aloth by the shoulders and whispered in his ear. “Take good care of him, Iselmyr.”

“Aye,” Aloth felt himself say. Noon pulled back, hesitated for just a moment, then swiftly leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. The cool, hard plating of her carapace briefly brushed against his face. Aloth was so stunned he could not reach out and stop her from walking away, hammer dragging behind her.

“Wait--” he called after her. It came out as a gasp, inaudible under the footsteps of the Eyeless, and she didn’t look back.

“C’mon,” said Sagani, when Aloth didn’t move. “We gotta go.”

Aloth processed the journey out of the cave in fragments. The party met resistance from the Eyeless at one point, but the odd woman who had accompanied them into the White March touched a hand to her temple, and the Maegfolc turned away. Then they had to make their way across an icy lake of dubious structural integrity, and Edér was telling him to “do that spell, you know; the one with the cold and the big fingers” before Sagani motioned for them to follow her lead. 

Edér had just sighed and thrown Aloth over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry. Aloth would have strenuously objected, but he was having trouble keeping track of… anything that was happening, really.

Once they were back on solid ground, Edér slid him gently into a snowdrift and then sat down heavily, panting. 

“Come on, kid,” Sagani said to Aloth. “Snap out of it, now. There are still Eyeless around. We’re gonna need you.”

“The lad’s older an’ you by about two decades,” Iselmyr snapped, but she got Aloth up and out of the snowdrift. 

“That’s elf years,” said Sagani. “The rest of us grow up faster. No offense.” She was talking to fill the silence as the world crumbled around them, both literally and metaphorically. Noon had been the lynchpin that tied their little group together. Now that it was on Aloth to stop Thaos, would any of the others even stick around? Edér, probably, and Durance was invested in the cause now, but Kana had gotten what he came for, and Sagani had a family waiting for her…

Then, just as the reality of the situation had truly started to set in, Noon splashed and struggled her way up out of the ice, apparently still in one piece. She rolled onto her back and gasped up at the sky.

The party scrambled to pull her to higher ground. Aloth managed to clear his mind of the emotional whiplash enough to cast a bulwark against the elements, which calmed her shivers slightly.

“The Pargrunen,” Noon mumbled through concerningly blue lips. “The souls--I set them free from the battery and they--” she coughed up a mouthful of freezing water. “They saved me--”

“Not gonna matter if you catch your death of cold,” said Sagani brusquely, helping her to sit upright. “Edér, get her out of this wet coat.”

“Yes ma’am.” Edér was already working on undoing the buckles, where frost formed on the metal. Sagani tugged off Noon’s sodden gloves and replaced them with fresh mitts from her own pack. 

“That armor’s gotta come off too. Don’t get shy now, boys.” Sagani threw the coat at Aloth. “Get this dried out.”

Aloth kept his eyes on the garments Sagani was passing him, drying them off as best he could with fire spells until they were, if slightly damp and mildly singed, at least warm. By the time he looked back, Sagani and Edér had helped Noon into a fresh shirt and breeches. She shivered violently while a woman Aloth hadn’t seen before tried to dry Noon’s hair on her cloak.

“What were you _thinking?_ ” Aloth blurted out. Noon’s head snapped up to face him. 

“What?” she said dumbly.

“Back there, you--you incautious _coxfither_ !” Aloth was vaguely aware that his voice had gone shrill. He jabbed a finger in the direction of the icy hole Noon had just emerged from. “That was--that was just _stupid!_ ”

“Aloth,” Sagani reproached. Noon just gaped up at him. 

“Well, it was!” Aloth squeaked. “You didn’t have to do that! We could have turned back! Had the Devil of Caroc do it! She’s practically indestructible! Or even just--paid that old animancer to build some horrid hammer-swinging machine!”

“He ain’t wrong,” Edér muttered. 

“I’ve never seen you do anything so reckless and foolhardy and--and _irresponsible_ !” Aloth shouted. “Do you _want_ to die?!”

Silence fell over the party. Noon closed her mouth and swallowed visibly. Aloth wiped furiously at his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Noon said. “You’re right. I didn’t think. I’m sorry, Aloth.”

Swallowing a sob, Aloth picked up the coat he had just lightly torched--he’d thrown it down at some point during his outburst--and draped it over Noon. Then he tried to turn away, but Noon’s thin, mittened hand shot out and grasped the edge of his cloak.

“Turn around,” she whispered. “Please. I want to see your face.” 

Aloth, of course, did as she asked. She was slumped against Edér’s broad chest and dwarfed by her own heavy coat. 

“I don’t really want to die.” Her voice trembled. “I just want to sleep. I’m sorry.”

Aloth kneeled beside her. “I know the feeling,” he admitted. He jumped slightly when Edér threw an arm around him.

“What? I thought you wanted in on the group hug!” Edér said. Noon chuckled softly. Aloth flushed, embarrassed of his outburst now that he’d gotten it out of his system.

“Sorry,” he mumbled. “That was… I just got a bit…”

“It’s alright,” said Noon. “You weren’t wrong.”

“Uh, guys?” Sagani was looking out towards the lake. “I think Noon’s not the only one who got lucky today…”

Aloth’s embarrassment turned to anger. The world wouldn’t let Noon rest for even a minute. He shrugged off Edér’s arm and stood up, reaching for his scepter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 


	10. Sun in Shadow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The immediate aftermath of Sun in Shadow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> confession time: i've had, like, 10+ additional chapters of this fic drafted for months. i just didn't wanna post them because i kept thinking i was gonna add more chapters in between the chapters, and this is the last chapter that takes place during the events of poe1. oh well..... if i do end up writing more chapters set in the first game i'll just slide 'em in later i guess. have fun!

_ How could anybody have you? _

_ How could anybody have you and lose you? _

_ How could anybody have you and lose you and not lose their mind, too? _

_ -St. Vincent, “Los Ageless” _

“Poor child,” said Durance. His tone was mocking. “I always knew Magran was a whore. But to worship Berath is to be a servant pining after the attentions of a noble lord.” He chuckled darkly. “And now we’ve learned the noble is of low birth.” 

“You’re a real piece of work, Durance,” Edér grunted. To his credit, Durance didn’t dispute him.

They had Durance to thank for their meager campfire, since Aloth was clean out of spells. It seemed listening to him speak was the price of his talents. Noon was curled up, unconscious, a few feet from the flames. 

She’d been out cold ever since she had turned off the Engwithan machine. The peasant woman travelling with them--when  _ had _ she joined their party?--had scooped her up and carried her with surprising strength to a nearby alcove, where they had made camp.

“Her soul is bruised,” the woman had said. “What she learned here has hurt her deeply. But bruises heal.”

There was no getting back out the way they came in, so Kana and Hiravias were off scouting possible routes out of the ruin. At least, that was what they were supposed to be doing. The peasant woman seemed to consider it a forgone conclusion that they weren’t going to find anything tonight. Edér had asked her what she meant, and she had simply raised an eyebrow at him before turning back to the herbs she was preparing.

It was looking more and more like they were just going to have to pull the rubble out of the tunnel Thaos had collapsed. Fortunately, there was plenty of speckleback jerky left over from their last trip to the White March. Aloth wagered they could make it another three days at least on jerky alone. It wouldn’t be a  _ pleasant _ three days, but they’d live.

“At least she’s sleeping peacefully,” said Edér quietly, looking at Noon. “That has to mean something good, right?”

The peasant woman nodded. “The question that haunted her dreams has been answered. What remains is how to live with the answer.”


	11. Brighthollow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A (temporary) goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> COMMENCE 5 YEAR LONG PINING!!!

He was putting it off. He’d justified it at first by telling himself he just wanted to make sure Noon was recovered before he left, but it had been days now since the last of their companions--Edér--had bid them farewell. Noon was well, and keeping busy working with the Steward on plans for the keep. 

Aloth needed to set off now, lest he be forever ensnared by the comfortable bed in Brighthollow and the smell of Noon brewing tea in the afternoons.

It didn’t take long to pack up his things. Adventuring had taught them all how to travel light. On his way downstairs, he caught sight of Noon’s Berathian scripture, lying on a chair in the living room and looking rather dusty. Come to think of it, he hadn’t seen Noon reading it since Sun in Shadow.

Noon was looking out the window when he got downstairs, watching the bees buzzing around the flowering hedge that just peaked above the sill. She turned to smile at Aloth when she saw him. 

“Good morning,” she said.

“Morning,” said Aloth. He glanced back towards the chair, on which the book lay abandoned. “No scripture today?”

She shrugged, her smile slipping. “Not much point, is there? The Berath I was praying to...” She shook her head. “May as well have been an imaginary friend.”

“I must say, that’s a strange conclusion to draw when you recently spoke directly to them.”

“I spoke to the Engwithan entity that calls itself Berath,” Noon corrected him. “The Berath who lived in my book cared for me. Loved me.” Noon turned back to the window, but not before Aloth caught the trembling in her lower lip. “But that wasn’t the real Berath.”

“I’m sorry,” was all Aloth could say. Noon sighed, then turned to him again, her smile firmly in place and her hands clasped in her lap. 

“You’re leaving, aren’t you?” Her voice was soft.

“I can’t delay any longer.”

“I know.” Noon stood from her chair and reached for the scripture. She picked it up and held it out to a bemused Aloth. “Here. It still has some sentimental value to me. Perhaps it will bring you a bit of my uncanny luck… or you can just throw it away for me, since I can’t seem to bring myself to do the deed.” She was still smiling, but Aloth could only guess at whether it was reaching her eyes.

“Are you certain?” He took the weathered book gingerly. For a split second, he thought he knew what it must be like to be a watcher, because looking at this worn-ragged book, he felt like he was catching a glimpse of Noon’s very soul.

“I’m certain.” The spell broke. “I had most of it memorized anyway.”

They walked together to the Eastern Barbican. Aloth already had his next steps planned--make for Defiance Bay and pick around the Woedican temple. After that, he could find a boat and sail wherever he needed to go.

“You have everything you need?” Noon asked when they reached the gate, clasping her hands behind her back.

Aloth nodded. Noon opened her mouth as if to speak, hesitated, then said “you know, you could always--” then she closed her mouth, and looked to the ground.

“What is it?”

Noon looked up at him again, smiling implacably. Her shoulders were high and tense. “It’s nothing. Just meant to say you’re always welcome at Caed Nua.”

“I appreciate that.” 

Noon held out her arms in invitation, and they briefly embraced. “Take care out there, Aloth,” she whispered, then stepped back. 

“You as well,” replied Aloth, and then he started walking.


End file.
